Finishing a 384 page novel for a guy who literally has never read one is a one tough job.
I had to take that book home with me because obviously it’s impossible for me to read it at college.
I know I should be reading this book this very instant but I am lost in thoughts. Lost in thoughts of him.
I can’t stop thinking about him. Every time I close my eyes I see his smiling face. Every time I see that book he wants me to read I see his face.
I have never fallen this hard over someone before.
I came home from college at around 4 pm. My mom and little brother are at my grandparents’ and my dad’s still at office.
I have the house all to myself. But what am I going to all alone?
“Yes, Azan. What’s up?”
“My parents aren’t home so do you want to.. I don’t know watch a movie with me?”
“Yeah sure. I’ll be there in ten”
“Cool. See you”
I can not believe I just asked him to watch a movie with me. My heart is pounding so hard that it hurts. I can hardly breathe.
I stand outside my house and I look at the street waiting for Akash to come.
My heart aches to see Akash in a grey t-shirt and wearing shorts and sneakers coming at me in his bicycle. He looks so cute.
The movie we picked is a horror movie but it’s horrible. None of us is having a good time. Maybe this was a bad idea.
“You wanna go outside? Take a walk?”
Akash proposed that we should take a walk instead of wasting time on this horrible movie.
That’s what I always wanted. Walking by his side. But holding hands.
Akash doesn’t live far away from my place but he is not familiar with my area. He studied at a different school so we never met even coincidentally.
He left his cycle at my house. Said he’d pick it later because I wanted to show him a beautiful place.
On our way he asks me where we were going. I said that it was a surprise and that he should have patience.
We already had wasted more than an hour on that movie. So I can watch the sunset with him. It’s always been one of my dreams to watch the sunset with him.
The place where I’m taking him is actually a long road with ponds on both sides. It’s almost like a bridge.
When the sun is about to set, the sky turns red and pink.
The reflection of the sun on the water gives perfection to the view. There are white water lilies on each ponds and they look as beautiful as ever.
“Isn’t this place great?” I ask him.
“It sure is” He is awed by the view of the sunset.
His smile is making me smile. I feel shy when he looks at me with his sparkling eyes. He is perfect.
My heart almost stops when I see some familiar faces coming right at us.
I take Akash’s hand and say, “let’s go”
“I wan to stay a little bit” he says.
But those boys are already ahead of me and have blocked the path. There’s water of both sides. No where to go.
“What’s going on?” Akash asks as he’s confused.
Jihad. One of my homophobic friends opens his mouth,
“Wow. Having a romantic time?”
Other boys start laughing at this. I let of Akash’s hand and look down. I don’t have the courage to look Jihad in the eye and tell him to fuck off.
My entire body is shaking. I can not see Akash’s face. I don’t know what he is thinking.
“Jihad, what’s going on?” Akash asks him.
Akash knows this prick? How? Why?
“Why are you hanging out with this guy?” Jihad says. My worse fear is coming true.
I am so stressed out that I am loosing my breath.
“Yeah, why are you with him?”
One of the boys repeats.
“Stay away from him. He will infect you. This guy is gay”
My entire world stops spinning. I didn’t have the strength to look Jihad in the eye but I have to see Akash’s face. I have to know what he thinks of me now.
I turn around and see his eyes are wide open. His surprised, disgusted look makes me want to die.
I push Jihad aside and run as fast as I can. They are all laughing behind my back. I can hear all their voices. But I can’t hear Akash. He’s silent.
He hates me. He hates me. He hates me.
I rush to my home and as it is empty it is better for me to cry out loud. It’s not the first time I’m crying. But I’ve never felt this bad before.
I feel broken. I feel alone.
The only friend I had now is gone. Akash will never talk to me again. Besides from the sobbing sounds I’m making I hear knocking on the door.
“Azan! Open the door”
It’s Akash. I can’t face him. I know he will probably say bad things about me. That I called him for a movie just to sleep with him. That’s what those bullies said when they had a sleepover at my place.
“Did you ask us for a sleepover because you wanted to fuck one of us? Gross!”
Akash stops knocking and I hate the silence at this moment.
I stopped going to college after that day. It’s been 6 days. I haven’t been alright. I had to convince my parents that I was sick so I pretended to throw up.
They are worried about my health. They want me to recover soon and start joining classes. But I don’t want to go back to that college and see the disappointment in Akash’s eyes.
I was fine with just being his friend. But now I lost everything.
I spend most of my time in my room now. I think of watching movies but I keep thinking about that afternoon.
My eyes falls on that book Akash gave me. He loves this novel. And I love him. It’s high time I read it.
I take it on my hand and start reading it. I loved Natasha and Daniel’s story. I’m glad they ended up together.
I was so lost in thoughts about the novel that I didn’t notice a note tapped to it’s back.
The note reads,
“The book tells the Japanese phrase koi no yokan. It doesn’t mean love at first sight. It’s closer to love at second sight. But I think I had love at first sight
– A ”
My heart jumps as I read the last sentence.
Is this real? Am I dreaming?
The words I’m reading is actually written by him?
He doesn’t hate me. He doesn’t hate me. He doesn’t hate me.